10 rules of cauliflower “pizza crust”

THE HOME TOME

cauliflower pizza

1. The first rule of cauliflower pizza crust is: don’t expect real pizza crust. It is only by lowering expectations that we can be pleasantly surprised.

2. If you’re feeling intimidated by this strange and mysterious process, say to yourself, “Look, it’s not brain surgery.” Of course, after you cleave that cauliflower into two pieces you will not be able to ignore the sensation that you are performing a lobotomy. Each “crust” (note quotes)  takes about half of a head.

cauliflower halves3. Stretch. Grating this much cauliflower into a “flour-like” substance (note quotes) is sure to dislocate your shoulder if you don’t start with a few warm-up exercises.

grated cauliflower4. Accept that all those leftover crumbles too big for the “dough” (note quotes) will go into your refrigerator with all the best intentions, and will need to be extracted from the crisper several months later while wearing a hazmat suit. Because: of…

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